Wishful Dreams

I thought it would take me longer, but the pixie’s have started moving in. On the right you’ll see pages where you can adopt a pixie and get goodies to go with her. Adopting a pixie is free so check it out.

On a weather note; Feb has certainly made it’s presence known with 14 inches of snow in my area. I expect we’ll see lots more before it’s over. The groundhog saw it’s shadow so that means 6 more weeks of Winter.

I’m also working on an online magazine called “Pixel Passions”, it’s for pixel art creators and lovers of pixel art. I expect to publish the first issue by March 1.

When some people think of snow they probably think of accidents, ice, cold, etc. Not me. I think of peace. When it snows, especially if it’s a heavy snow and the ground is blanketed all in white it seems as though even if only for a little while the world is at peace… at least my small corner of it.

My husband’s always said my dreams could be sold to Hollywood. This is one of the strangest yet. I usually remember my dreams, but if they don’t bother me I dismiss them. Sometimes I feel like I’m getting a message. Sometimes I’m sure they’re the result of eating too much before bed or the wrong kind o food or maybe stress (very likely). Here’s the dream I had last night…

I had a dream, a disturbing nightmare really. I think in my dream I was either
in hell or was watching a movie about it. This was the second dream or part of it, the first has to do with a snake.

In the second part of the dream Michael was there too. The details are fuzzy now but people were hanging by hooks alive. All kinds of people, housewives, men, any walk of life. Some of the people had these 2 dots on their stomachs, these 2 dark dots verticle on the right side of their belly button. It meant something, not sure what. These people were being dropped into various machines. Some machines literally ground them up like minced meat. Some machines somehow turned them into fur and these long pieces of fur came out the other end.

There was this guy on a hook behind what I think was his mom and dad and she seemed glad to see him. He had these two dots on his belly. He swung himself until he was able to knock his parents free from the hooks and clear of these machines.

Another part of this same dream there was golfing, but it was very dismill.
People were golfing but it was almost as if the grass was purposefully meant to give them a hard time.

The there was this big house and me and Michael were in it along with lots of others I think. We still had the dogs too. I remember the clock saying 10:50 pm and Michael took the dogs out. Then at 10:50 am we woke up and I asked Michael to take the dogs out. He claimed to have taken them out already which I was sure wasn’t true. He seemed more interested in trying to have sex. I felt like he was putting too much pressure on my ribs and I told him so, but instead of getting off me right away he seemed to leaned in harder on them on purpose and for a few seconds I couldn’t breathe at all. That’s when I woke up.

Now back to the first part of the dream…

Mostly what I can remember is there was this guy who had a snake. I was told it wouldn’t bite me. I was also told it was small. I went into the room where the snake was and I saw many little baby snakes. I wasn’t afraid of those. Then there was a huge snake that I couldln’t see right away. It was monderously huge. This snake came right for me with the intention of attacking me. I put my hand up to block it and it latched onto my hand between my index finger and my thumb and bit me. I could feel the fangs. Somehow I was able to get the snake off me before it injested any poison in me. The snakes owner came in and got it and swore to me it had never done that before. The rest of the evening I couldn’t concentrate on anything except that snake. I wanted to know where it was at all times and that
the owner was there to control it. It seemed as long as the owner was around the snake behaved.

I did a little research on the snake part of this dream and came up with this:

Snake Bites

When one is bitten by a snake in a dream, this often actually points to overcoming a situation that appeared dire. The a snake bit dream may point to learning to overcome a situation and regain your power in life. Snake bites can be viewed as in injection of wisdom, rather than life threatening venom. – taken from http://www.bellaonline.com/articles/art16788.asp

… but a victory still!

Today is day 3 of hubby being back to work. So you might be asking yourself; what’s so significant about that? Well, it’s also day 3 of me doing things for myself. Waking up, getting my own breakfast, carrying my own laptop to the dining room, letting the dogs out, fixing my own lunch; well you get the picture.

I went to sleep when hubby did last night so I was ready to get up when he left this morning at 4:30. I expected the usual leg wobbling, back burning attempt to fix my own hot drink and cereal. I grabbed my cup and prepared for the instant back burning and was ready to bend over and grab the counter and hurry through the process and forget the hot cereal all together. But something was happening. Something wonderful, something I haven’t felt in months and months. I was pouring the water in my cup and the burning didn’t come, in fact I was still standing upright so I heated the water and prepared my cereal for the microwave. Still no burning… what was happening here? I was walking back and forth in my kitchen and decided to water my plants while I was in there. Then I finished fixing my breakfast and said a small thank you to God in my heart and carried it to the dining room table.

This might seem like something you do every day and I bet you take it for granted. What if you couldn’t do these things for yourself anymore? I had become so dependent on my husband during his time out of work that I was losing the ability to do things for myself. I know it’s only day 3 and I’m not ready to tackle the laundry and scrub the tub but it’s coming and I’m excited! If I feel this good after only 3 days I can’t wait to see what I’m able to do again by next week.

Praise you Father God, and thank you for loving me and taking care of me and thank you for this victory this morning.

Nothing big to report here. Hubby is working again so that’s good news. I don’t know if it’s in time to take care of things but it can only help us in any case whatever happens. I believe God will take care of us. He’s shown us grace and he’s picked us up and dusted off many times. Which way he plans to lead us right now is yet to be seen but I’m praying and staying focused. Bills and such tend to draw my focus away but only for a moment. It’s oddly peaceful, but I normally tend to panic when things happen such as a bill over due or rent behind etc. For some reason, and I believe it’s because God has given me a peace about it; I’m not doing that this time. Whatever happens in the next couple of months I know that God is in control and if a door is shut another one WILL open.

Hubby and I have been talking about plans for the future and how we’d like to start saving toward our own place. No more landlords! We know this may take several years but it’s our heart’s desire and we’re praying for God to make a way and show us what to do.

This is what I mean when I say God can hold onto me even when I can’t hold onto him. My hubby has been out of work since late Sept. Today he got the call he’s been waiting for!! Praise God!!! He’s employed

While I\’m Waiting

Thank you for your prayers. It is so hard to remember to “Let go and let God” isn’t it? I am by far not a perfect Christian. I read some place once that my faith should be not in my ability to hold onto Jesus but in his ability to hold onto me. I love that statement. Sometimes I think that because I am not as faithful as I should be that I am being punished. I think though it’s more like I lose focus. I have blessings in my life but those get over shadowed by my worries especially the financial ones. You know, God put us in this house so I have to believe that God will make a way for us to stay here. I am so grateful for the encouragement and prayers of others. I am not alone on this journey but rather I have brothers and sisters in Christ Jesus and together we can form a fortress so strong the enemy can not penetrate. Our prayers are our weapons. And no weapon, no scare tactic the devil could ever come up with could ever defeat the prayers of God’s children.

You know, I lost my dad almost 5 years ago. Still feels like yesterday. I was so angry and bitter for so long. But I remember asking God why. And you know he answered me? He said to me that he saved my dad from much heartache on this earth. He was only 58. He took him very quickly. It was a massive heart attack they said. But his wife described it as if he just laid his head down and went to sleep. Never clutched his chest never made a sound. I thank God he went so easily. Anyway, my point is that even though God didn’t heal my dad’s heart; he did answer my prayers in his own way. I couldn’t see that for so long. Now my dad is pain free, worry free and happy for almost 5 years now and for that I can smile even though I miss him terribly. But he is home.

What is? Everything. Eventually the rope breaks and you fall. Everyone has advice for you but no one is in your shoes. How is it that the same mistake can be made over and over again? It’s right there! The end of my rainbow but every single time I get close it moves another inch away.  I’m unhappy. I’m tired of being unhappy. It’s time for me to retreat.

I am spiritual. I know there’s a God and I am well aware that I am not worthy to be called his child. I also know that despite my sins and faults he loves me. I’ve done some bad things in my life, I’ve hurt people, been hurt, lied, etc. I think just because I’ve never done any of the “hard” things like drugs I’m not as bad as most. But that isn’t true. I know I am. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I long to go home. I want some peace. I want to feel secure, safe. I hate it here on this planet earth. I hate the crime, the wars, the loneliness, the personal suffering.  I’m too chicken to kill myself and I’m pretty sure I’d go to hell so that’s out. So I have no choice but suffer. I know I’ve made bad decisions but I’ve also been dealt a pretty crummy hand. My life has never been secure. I don’t know what it’s like to live in the same house for more than a year.  The closest I came was when my husband held the same job for almost 3 years. We gave it all up to live near family. biggest mistake of my life. I love my family. But they can’t take of me and honestly they don’t want to. but it’s not their job. i’ve been homeless twice. i even lived in a tent once. because i chose to do what others wanted me to do instead of doing what was best for me and my husband. and those “others” were no where to be seen when I had no roof over my head. i won’t do that. but we’re still suffering because of that decision. times have been nothing but hard and they will be until i can get away from this area.  we don’t even have a vehicle. i was always happiest near the beach. i love the ocean. i felt calm and at peace. i can feel God at the ocean. i’m trying to be responsible and stick things out and work things out but the harder i try the more life seems to pull against me. one thing works out and two others fail. i have this constant cough. i have had my lungs looked at and listened to and nothing. i have sinus issues really bad but i think i’m kidding myself if i think there’s nothing m ore serious going on. it seems worse when i’m stressed or upset how is that? God, please rapture me home soon I don’t know how much more I can take.